


Falling Snow

by FiendMaz



Category: Gackt (Musician) RPF, Hyde (Musician) - Fandom
Genre: Character Study, Comfort, Conflict, Drabble, Internal Conflict, M/M, Random & Short, supportive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 02:36:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13378326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiendMaz/pseuds/FiendMaz
Summary: "Accept myself," Hyde murmured. "It's not as easy as it should be." His arms snaked around strong shoulders and he hugged the younger man. “Gacchan,” He whispered.





	Falling Snow

**Author's Note:**

> Like my other Gackt/Hyde fic, this was written ages ago and I never got to finish it. I really enjoyed writing Hyde's conflicts about being gay though so I just wanted to share it. Hope you like it!

It was mid-afternoon, the sun was out, the trees were swaying in the wind and all was silent. In the midst of the greenery, a white house stood and its main door swung open to reveal a slender man wearing a new white shirt and a hat covering his flowing black hair. Beside him was a slightly stronger looking man also a tad bit taller wearing an all-black ensemble as well as a black and white head band.

Together, they walked down the few steps to the street, a cameraman following right after, and they all set off for the forest. They reached a barrier and went below it before walking further in.

"It is amazing, isn't it?" The slender man commented as he looked around the greenery with wonder. He switched his gaze to the camera. “Good afternoon, it’s Hyde.” He then pointed at a random tree, the cameraman switching his focus to it.

They walked a few paces more, just enjoying the wind and fresh air when the taller of the duo found himself being filmed. “Hello, it’s Kaz.”

"Uwah, nice!" Hyde exclaimed as he pulled the hand of the other. The crouched down and almost simultaneously, they both took a different mushroom from the ground and held them to the camera.

"Pa, pa, pa, pa," Hyde sung randomly before chuckling, smiling like an intrigued child as he stared at the big mushroom in his hand.

Kaz was smiling at his own mushroom too, moving it from side to side as if examining it.

"My mushroom," Hyde crooned, leaning quite closely to the camera.

Kaz chuckled, looking at Hyde with a mixed expression on his face, and shook his head almost imperceptibly. He reached his hand out when Hyde offered the mushroom and grabbed a hold of it, examining it with curiosity for a few seconds before his attention switched back to Hyde who was now lightly pulling at Kaz's hand-picked mushroom.

After switching mushrooms, Hyde stood up and swung his newly-acquired mushroom in front of the camera with a child-like smile of wonder still present on his face. "Mushroom," He carolled once more with a side glance towards the camera before looking away to view the greenery around him.

"The battery is dying." The man behind the camera stated. "I'll be going back first, Hyde, Kaz."

Hyde nodded and the man walked away leaving the two alone.

Kaz stood up. "Shouldn't we head back too?"

"Mmm, in a while." Hyde reached his hand out.

Nodding, Kaz took the hand and used it as an anchor to stand up just as a tune rung in the air.

“Ah,” Hyde lifted a finger and pursed his lips. “I’ll follow after you,” He took his phone out of his pocket, swiped the screen, and placed it to his ear. “Hello,”

Kaz lifted his mushroom to the air in a salute then turned around, walking away.

“Gacchan…” Hyde greeted softly to the device.

The other line was quite for a moment.

_“Have you been busy, Hyde?” The low voice inquired._

Hyde swallowed. “Ah… VAMPS rehearsals,”

_“I see,” a tapping sounded from the other line. “Going well?”_

“Gacchan,”

 _“Don’t avoid me,_ Hyde. _” Gackt spoke sternly._

Hyde didn’t reply.

_Gackt made a noise; it sounded almost like a reproach. “You’re still in the area, aren’t you?”_

“Yes,”

_“Can you spare time?”_

Hyde closed his eyes and pressed his free hand to his forehead. “…alright,”

 

***

 

The candle lights were steady and lit the incredibly dark room with a soft glow, basking the two occupants of the room in it. There were the occasional sounds of china hitting wood and shuffling as the two spoke with each other with a natural familiarity.

"Gacchan," Hyde said softly.

Gackt’s signature blue eyes pierced into brown ones, watching as the other struggled internally. He kept a calm disposition until Hyde reached out for his hand and held onto it. It took effort but Gackt stopped himself from involuntarily gasping and forced himself to not react as he allowed the contact.

Hyde was no longer looking at Gackt but at the hand he held, an expression of sorrow overtaking his handsome features. "I..." He started, voice weak. "Do you realise how hard this is?" His eyes flickered and he swallowed hard before he closed his eyes as if in pain, tightening his grip on Gackt's hand. "I've been ignoring it for so long. So goddamn long. Being blissfully ignorant and just pushing everything that denied my idea of self away.

I'm straight, I'm straight: I always tell myself. No doubts, nothing. But it’s always there, nagging, wagging its finger at me, calling me out on my lies, just constantly badgering me. And I ask myself all the time: why can't I just brainwash myself?" A tear slid down his cheek, eyelashes glistening from the trapped droplets.

Gackt reached out and carefully, gently, wiped away the tears from the other’s face.

"My delusions kept slipping away..." Hyde shook his head again and a choking sound left his lips. "And I kept wishing, wishing. Couldn’t someone just show me the way?" He breathed out slowly as another tear trailed down his smooth face.

Gackt was frowning, his face sorrowful as he held onto the smooth wet cheek of the man he yearned for, unable to help.

"Then you come, telling me you like me, you’re gay, you’ve been hiding it. And then here it comes again, mocking me." A shaky breath left Hyde. "What have I been doing then? If there was a way out of lying to myself?" He opened his eyes and looked up at Gackt, almost pleading. "What have I been doing?”

Gackt leaned forward and gripped Hyde's other hand, holding it carefully and tightly. "My Hyde," He started in a low tone. "We all hide our demons differently." Gackt nodded slowly, eyes fully focused on the other’s, making sure the other was focused on him and his words. "There’s a silver lining in all this.”

Hyde licked his lips and nodded almost imperceptibly.

"Listen, Hyde," Gackt continued. "The past doesn't matter," He pulled the singer's hands and clasped them both together. "What does is the now." Gackt said with a hard voice. "Get yourself together."

"Help me," Hyde moved forward clumsily and gripped the other’s shoulders, leaning with almost his entire weight. His hair swung forward silkily and through the gaps, his eyes sought blue. "Gacchan.” He pleaded.

Gackt breathed in deeply before he tore his gaze away. "I refuse to take advantage of you." He looked back. "And before anything else," Gackt took hold of the other’s wrists. "You have to accept yourself first."

Hyde closed his eyes and moved to straddle the other, leaning on Gackt more completely. He stared up at the ceiling. "Accept myself," He murmured. "It's not as easy as it should be." His arms snaked around strong shoulders and he hugged the younger man. “Gacchan,” He whispered.


End file.
